Foodie

Today was an eating day. I consumed about 1000 calories - maybe a bit less. You just know that tomorrow the scale will show a 2 pound increase, right? Fuck.

I wish that if I was going to consume 1000 calories, it was something awesome like cheesecake or a brownie sundae. Really make it count, you know?

Cause and Effect

I ate today. At my boyfriend's mom's house, I had no choice but to eat and digest, after almost two days of fasting. I admit that I was starting to feel dizzy by the end of the day, but I certainly didn't crave that cheeseburger. It was placed in front of me, I had to eat it, and I did.

I probably ate about 600 calories today. That means getting up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to hit the treadmill. I'll have to run off at least 600-700 just to not feel disgusting.

How did it taste? you ask. Fine. Not as good as thin feels, though. I think if it were up to me, I would have rather had ice cream.

Faster and Faster

It's so much easier to fast than it is to purge my meals, yet that's what I seem to do most often. Scientifically, I know I do more harm to my body by sticking my fingers down my throat than I do by drinking clear soups ans Master Cleanse drinks all day.

Clearly, Master Cleanse is not made for people on-the-go. Don't pre-mix, don't let the cayenne steep too long, enzymes this, that and the other thing. Who knew not eating could be so damn complicated!?

Most days I live on cup-a-soup, coffee and water. Then the beast takes over, and I shove volumes of food down my gullet. If I'm alone, I purge. If I'm with others, I have to endure the calories as they get absorbed into my body.

It's so frustrating sometimes. A pound is 3500 calories. If I go a whole day without eating, I lose half a pound. If I eat 1200 calories, I gain 3 lbs. It makes no sense. So the only option is to not eat.