Good Weekend

This was a good one. My boyfriend, though concerned, isn't all up in my face about what I eat or don't eat. He's kind of Manorexic himself.

Hit the gym yesterday for two solid hours. Jogged off 800 calories and did weights on a day when I only consumed 285 calories. Today I had yogurt and berries for breakfast (115), a turkey wrap for lunch (185) and half a fritatta for supper (90).

Tomorrow morning is back to the gym. I need to lose 15 lbs by end of February. That's the goal.

The 4 lbs of Doom

I eat and gain the same four pounds over and over again, leaving me struggling to get to my goal weight. I don't understand it. I'm not eating a pound's worth of calories, and I'm sure as hell not eating FOUR pounds worth of calories.

Today is a fasting day AND a workout day, which means I'll be exhausted by the time I should be eating supper. Though I'll likely have a small blended juice from the juice bar at the gym.

I'm on antibiotics this week, and I'm told I'm supposed to take them with food. My stomach is messed up at the best of times, so I will try to obey. I just hope that a smoothie or a slice of roast turkey counts as "food."

I must remember to pick up more pseudoephedrine and more laxatives this weekend.

Note to Self

Cheesecake, brownies, mojitos, martinis and nachos DO NOT taste the same coming up as they did going down.

That is all.

Foodie

Today was an eating day. I consumed about 1000 calories - maybe a bit less. You just know that tomorrow the scale will show a 2 pound increase, right? Fuck.

I wish that if I was going to consume 1000 calories, it was something awesome like cheesecake or a brownie sundae. Really make it count, you know?

Cause and Effect

I ate today. At my boyfriend's mom's house, I had no choice but to eat and digest, after almost two days of fasting. I admit that I was starting to feel dizzy by the end of the day, but I certainly didn't crave that cheeseburger. It was placed in front of me, I had to eat it, and I did.

I probably ate about 600 calories today. That means getting up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to hit the treadmill. I'll have to run off at least 600-700 just to not feel disgusting.

How did it taste? you ask. Fine. Not as good as thin feels, though. I think if it were up to me, I would have rather had ice cream.

Faster and Faster

It's so much easier to fast than it is to purge my meals, yet that's what I seem to do most often. Scientifically, I know I do more harm to my body by sticking my fingers down my throat than I do by drinking clear soups ans Master Cleanse drinks all day.

Clearly, Master Cleanse is not made for people on-the-go. Don't pre-mix, don't let the cayenne steep too long, enzymes this, that and the other thing. Who knew not eating could be so damn complicated!?

Most days I live on cup-a-soup, coffee and water. Then the beast takes over, and I shove volumes of food down my gullet. If I'm alone, I purge. If I'm with others, I have to endure the calories as they get absorbed into my body.

It's so frustrating sometimes. A pound is 3500 calories. If I go a whole day without eating, I lose half a pound. If I eat 1200 calories, I gain 3 lbs. It makes no sense. So the only option is to not eat.